What’s it like to have ADHD?
ADHD can present itself in many different ways and can feel very different for one person, versus another. This video outlines the many varied ways that ADHD can present.
ADHD can present itself in many different ways and can feel very different for one person, versus another. This video outlines the many varied ways that ADHD can present.
Children with ADHD are sometimes exhausting. They ask us to play tag. To set up the easel. To go for a bike ride. We feel the pressure to make dinner or run errands or clean house, so we say “no” — almost out of habit. But what if the trust and bond you created by saying “yes” was transformative?
By: Brittney D. Herz
Having a five year old with multiple diagnoses — attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) being the most prevalent — I use the word “no” a lot. Add a two year old to the mix, and the frequency of “no” doubles.
During one hard week at our house, I told my daughter’s counselor that I was exhausted from the constant battles over everything. I never pegged myself as an authoritarian parent. I always thought I was the fun parent, but the chorus of “no” wasn’t fun. She gave me advice that seemed so simple I almost laughed it off. She told me to ask myself a question before giving my daughter or son an answer: “Why am I saying no?”
She explained: Are you saying no because your child’s behaviour could be dangerous? Like wanting to ride down the street on the hood of the car? Or using the light socket as a place to plug in headphones? Those are solid no’s. You’re being a responsible parent by saying no.
Are you saying no because it’s not feasible? Like wanting to get a pony to keep in the backyard? Or building a tightrope obstacle course through the trees? Those are unfortunate no’s, but no’s nonetheless.
What about the no’s that head off an inconvenience? You are home with your kids, they’re playing nice for two minutes, and you foolishly think you can start dinner while they’re distracted. You’re about to turn on the stove when one of your kids runs up to you and says, “I want to paint!” If you say no, not right now, you can start dinner, eat on time maybe, and have a quicker transition into bedtime routines. If you say yes, you have to stop what you’re doing and get the water, paint, brushes, and paper, and set them in a spot where you can see your painters, so your walls don’t end up victims to their artistic expression. This is an inconvenience.
However, if you say yes, you can improve your communication with your children, strengthen your bond, and make them more independent. Saying yes builds trust. A child with ADD is prone to self-doubt and self-esteem issues. By saying yes more often, you can help her with her confidence. Saying no, while at times necessary, can erode your relationship with your child. She will become less trustful of you and less likely to share her ideas.
A parent of a child with ADD has to correct many behaviours, so often, that her language becomes pretty negative, pretty quickly. “Stop doing that, don’t touch that, sit down, please stop.” It’s an endless list of orders. Correcting is not a happy event for the child. But what if you mix in some yeses? And think hard about what has to be a no.
Are you saying no because you see the repercussions of what your child is asking? Like being asked to go make mud pies. You know that if you go out and make mud pies, you have to get dressed for the occasion, go do it, come in and undress, and clean the clothes, floor, and shoes, which are all coated with mud. It’s a mess, one that you don’t need. But what if you say yes? How great a day would that be for your child? Even if you had a rough start (mornings are always brutal for us), saying yes to that one request could save the whole day.
When my daughter’s counselor told me to think about all of this before saying no, I thought I was already doing this. I didn’t think I jumped to the negative out of convenience, but I realised I was mistaken. What if you only said no to anything that may lead to harm? How much more would you and your children get to do together if you said yes a little bit more? The next time your child asks you to do something, think before responding. It’s easy to say no sometimes, but you can create a better bond by saying yes.
June 2019, from https://www.additudemag.com/parent-child-bonding-say-yes/
My name is Rachel Coughlan. I am an Educational Psychologist in Training studying for the degree of Doctorate in Educational Psychology at the School of Education, University College Dublin (UCD). My doctoral thesis, which is being supervised by Dr Joyce Senior, focuses on the lived experiences of women with ADHD.
What is this research about?
This research is about exploring the experiences of women with ADHD in relation to how they perceive ADHD has, and continues to, influence their lives. The purpose of this study is to inform approaches to intervention and support for young girls and women with ADHD.
Why am I doing this research?
Most research on ADHD has focused on males. However, research indicates that females with ADHD have different symptoms and challenges to those experienced by males with ADHD. It is hoped that the findings from this study will highlight some of the ways girls and women experience ADHD in order to improve the practice of professionals such as educational psychologists who work with them.
Why have you been invited to take part?
I am contacting all women diagnosed with ADHD aged 18 years or over who access the services of ADHD Ireland to take part in this study.
What will happen if you decide to take part in this research study?
If you are interested in taking part in this research, I will arrange to meet you at a time and location that is convenient for you, either in the ADHD Ireland, Carmichael House, 4 North Brunswick Street, Dublin 7 or in a meeting room in the School of Education in UCD. You will take part in an interview with me during which I will ask you questions about your experiences of having ADHD in childhood and as an adult, including questions about your experiences at school, and the impact it may have had on your family, occupational and social life. The interview will last approximately and an hour.
How will your data be used?
Your interview will be audio recorded and then I will type it up for analysis. Quotes from your interview may be used in the study, but will be kept anonymous. The results will be written up in a doctoral thesis and submitted to UCD for examination for the degree of Doctorate in Educational Psychology. The study may also be put forward for publication in an academic journal. Again, your identity will be kept confidential.
How will your privacy be protected?
All information about you will be kept strictly confidential. I will not use your real name or any identifiable information about you in anything I write about the study. When I have transcribed your interview, I will delete the audio recording. All data gathered will be stored on an encrypted, password-protected laptop in a secure location.
What are the benefits in taking part in this research study?
You may not benefit directly from taking part in this research. However, it is hoped that the information gathered from this study will result in a deeper public understanding and awareness of the experiences of girls and women with ADHD. It is hoped that the findings will provide useful information to guide the planning of services and supports for females with ADHD and improve knowledge amongst professionals who work with them.
What are the risks in taking part in this research study?
It is possible that you may become upset when talking about your experience of having ADHD. If this happens, you will be offered the opportunity to take a break, to postpone the interview, to end the interview or to withdraw from the research altogether. In addition, I will provide you with information on services available to support you.
Can you change your mind at any stage and withdraw from the study?
It is up to you to decide if you want to take part in the study. You are free to change your mind and to withdraw from the research at any stage without giving a reason, up until two weeks following your interview. At this point, it may not be possible to withdraw as analysis will have already commenced on your interview.
How will you find out what happens with this project?
I will keep a record of your email details. Your email details will be encrypted and stored securely. When the study is completed, I will email you with a summary of the main findings. The results may be used towards the publication of a journal article in an academic journal.
Contact details for further information:
If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me using the details below. I am also enclosing the contact details of my research supervisor.
Thank you for reading this information.
Yours sincerely,
Rachel Coughlan, Trainee Educational Psychologist and Doctoral Researcher
Email: [email protected]
Supervisor: Dr Joyce Senior, Director of the Professional Doctorate in Educational Psychology in UCD, Dublin
Email: [email protected]
Four easy tips that will help your child with ADHD (and the rest of your family!) declutter and get organised. From setting ground rules to creating an ADHD-friendly closet, these expert tips will turn your messy child into a neatnik.
If you live with a child who has attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD), you know too well that they need organisation help.
Clutter comes with the territory: books on the stairs… backpacks in the hall… pizza boxes on the floor… a coat draped over every chair.
Are you the one who straightens up? Stop right now. Your child with ADHD must learn to clean up his own messes. After all, clutter control is a skill kids must master if they are ever to live successfully on their own.
First, a word about why kids with ADHD are so good at creating clutter. It’s not that they’re inconsiderate. It’s not that they are defiant or disrespectful. It’s the way they’re wired. They get so focused on tasks that they fail to notice the mess they’ve created. If the mess is pointed out, they may be clueless as to how to clean it up — or may start cleaning up at once, only to stop before finishing.
Establish a set of ground rules about cleaning up, and make it clear that that every family member must follow them. Four rules are especially helpful:
Let’s say, your daughter has a habit of dropping her coat on the floor when she comes home. You’ve reminded her to use the coat closet, and yet… there’s that darn coat again. What to do?
If you can’t bring her to the closet, bring the closet to her. Install coat hooks or place a coat tree near the door. Hang a coat on one of the hooks as a visual reminder that this is where coats go. At first you may have to yell “Use the hook” each time you hear the front door open. But soon your daughter will be using the hook as a matter of habit, without any reminders.
Are certain rooms in your home perpetually littered with food wrappers, school papers, old newspapers, and other bits of paper? Look closely at each problem room. Does it have a wastebasket? Is the wastebasket big enough? Is it in plain view? Remember, for the brain with ADHD, out of sight is truly out of mind. Ideally, each room will have its own brightly colored, appropriately sized wastebasket. Don’t worry about what guests might think. Better to have lots of wastebaskets than lots of littered rooms.
Does your child leave clothing on the bedroom floor? If placing a hamper in the bathroom doesn’t work, create an ADHD-friendly closet: one with a laundry basket for dirty clothes and two milk crates — one for shoes, one for pajamas. Help your child develop the habit of undressing in front of the open closet. All your child needs to do when getting ready for bed is take off his clothes, toss them in the laundry basket, and grab the pajamas that live in the crate.
Your home contains hundreds of items that must be put away, but let’s focus on items that are handled at least twice each day: the cap on the toothpaste and the toothbrush. The cap is easy! Just switch to a toothpaste that has a hinged cap. Have each child store his toothbrush in his own brightly colored, plastic drinking glass (which is left on a bathroom shelf). Kids who have trouble using a toothbrush holder will have no trouble getting their toothbrushes into the glass.
Don’t expect perfect compliance with the ground rules. After all, nobody’s perfect. And be sure to praise even “baby steps.”
From Patricia Quinn, M.D., ADDitudeMag.com
December 2018
What is ADHD?
A common sign of ADHD is what looks like an inability to recognise other people’s needs and desires. This can lead to the next two signs: interrupting and trouble waiting their turn.
Self-focused behaviour may cause a child with ADHD to interrupt others while they’re talking or butt into conversations or games they’re not part of.
Kids with ADHD may have trouble waiting their turn during classroom activities or when playing games with other children.
A child with ADHD may have trouble keeping their emotions in check. They may have outbursts of anger at inappropriate times. Younger children may have temper tantrums.
Children with ADHD often can’t sit still. They may try to get up and run around, fidget, or squirm in their chair when forced to sit.
Fidgetiness can make it difficult for kids with ADHD to play quietly or engage calmly in leisure activities.
A child with ADHD may show interest in lots of different things, but they may have problems finishing them. For example, they may start projects, chores, or homework, but move on to the next thing that catches their interest before finishing.
A child with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, even when someone is speaking directly to them. They’ll say they heard you, but they won’t be able to repeat back to you what you just said.
This same lack of focus can cause a child to avoid activities that require a sustained mental effort, such as paying attention in class or doing homework.
Children with ADHD can have trouble following instructions that require planning or executing a plan. This can then lead to careless mistakes — but it doesn’t indicate laziness or a lack of intelligence.
Children with ADHD aren’t always rambunctious and loud. Another sign of ADHD is being quieter and less involved than other kids. A child with ADHD may stare into space, daydream, and ignore what’s going on around them.
A child with ADHD may have trouble keeping track of tasks and activities. This may cause problems at school, as they can find it hard to prioritise homework, school projects, and other assignments.
Kids with ADHD may be forgetful in daily activities. They may forget to do chores or their homework. They may also lose things often, such as toys.
A child with ADHD will show symptoms of the condition in more than one setting. For instance, they may show lack of focus both in school and at home.
All children are going to exhibit some of these behaviours at some point. Daydreaming, fidgeting, and persistent interruptions are all common behaviours in children. However, you should start thinking about the next steps if:
ADHD is treatable. If your child is diagnosed with ADHD, review all of the treatment options. Then, set up a time to meet with a doctor or psychologist to determine the best course of action.
From Healthline.com, medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP
August 2018
It’s finally summer holidays and the last thing you want to think about is preparing your child for the new school year. The good news is you can create a less-panicked, more organised school year with these five simple strategies, but the key is to start right now!
News flash: The back-to-school season doesn’t start in August. It begins now, when lessons learned and challenges faced are fresh. To begin on the best foot, take on these five organisational projects now — not when school starts at the end of August.
This seems like an obvious suggestion, but I have put off doing this task until a week before the new school year began. I was unpleasantly surprised. I found a summer-long assignment in my son’s backpack in the first week in August. Empty your kids’ backpacks, sort through the stuff, and run the backpack through the wash.
Now is also a good time to discard worn-out school supplies and to put all of the reusable items in one location. It will save you time during the year if you designate a spot in your home as your “school supplies store.” Also, recharge the calculators, and get ready for back-to-school sales.
Summer is a great time to mend uniforms and clean out kids’ closets. Listen when your kids tell you why they don’t like certain types of clothing. Are they too tight, too hot, too stiff, too scratchy? Younger kids choose clothing for comfort, not for style. Determine the “feel” your children want their clothes to have, and buy items that they will wear.
Managing school papers and artwork from last year is a challenging task. Here’s a plan for tackling it:
Step 1. Sort each child’s papers into neat piles.
Step 2. Look through the papers with your kids. Listen to their stories, and find their favourite pieces of art. The purpose of looking over these things is to enjoy the memories.
Step 3. Save their favourites and display them. There are many ways to do this, but the easiest and fastest is to put favourite items in a binder, using sheet protectors. A deluxe, D-ring, two-inch binder will hold 100 sheet protectors, allowing you to save award certificates, written papers, and artwork in the same binder. Creating a binder will take two to four hours per child. Items that are too big to save in a binder can be photographed or reduced on a colour copier.
Organising your child’s toys is a task that is usually on a parent’s summer to-do list. Keep these tips in mind when you do:
1. Let your kids play with the items you want to get rid of one more time. The toys will get more wear out of them and entertain your kids on a long rainy day.
2. Get rid of toys that are below your child’s ability level first. If your child is over age five and is attending all-day school, he or she will likely have only two or three “go to” categories for toys: Lego, video games, board games, baby dolls, stuffed animals, cars, trains, balls, art materials, magic items. Have each child choose his or her top three categories, and sort all of the toys into piles on the floor. The toys that do not fit in those categories can be donated.
3. Find good storage solutions for the toys you keep. Now that you know which toys your children want to keep, organise them. I recommend purchasing a customised organiser for your child’s favourite toys. If they love Lego, buy a Lego organiser.
If there are no organisers available, create a toy zone. Each type of toy needs its home. Here are some examples:
If you are looking for a physical storage solution, I think the most versatile option is a shelving system divided into 14-inch cubes. These are sold at IKEA. They come in a variety of configurations and colour choices. I recommend one for each child’s bedroom and one for each communal play area.
Lisa K. Woodruff is the founder and CEO of Organize 365, a company that helps busy women get their home and paper organised in one year. Her book, How ADHD Affects Home Organization, explains the qualities of the executive functions of the brain, and how to organize your home despite struggling with one (or more) of those functions. Find more about Lisa at organize365.com.
All you need is love, right? Wrong. If you or your partner has ADHD, follow these rules to foster communication, build trust, and reciprocate support.
Regardless of adult attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD), falling in love is easy. A rush of biochemical euphoria comes with “new love.” Those of us with ADHD often hyperfocus on romance, not just for the sake of romance, but also to increase those pleasure-producing neurotransmitters (dopamine) that are in short supply in our brains. Highly charged emotions are not part of lasting love. They are just feelings — strong and wonderful feelings — but you need much more to make an ADHD relationship last.
Relationships are hard, and when we accept that fact, we are dealing with reality, not the fantasy that “all you need is love.” All we need is love? I don’t think so. You need coping skills to compensate for your weaknesses and to save your relationship. What tools should you have in your relationship toolbox? Glad you asked.
You and your partner must take ownership of your condition. Treat ADHD responsibly by using behaviour therapy and/or appropriate medications to manage symptoms, increase dopamine, and help the brain work as it is supposed to. When you do all that, you should see a decrease in ADHD symptoms —like the inability to focus when your partner is talking to you or to follow through on tasks, such as paying bills on time.
Not being heard is a major complaint of those in intimate relationships with partners with ADHD. For many who have ADHD, listening to others is hard. To increase your listening skills, practice this exercise:
Sit down with your partner and let him talk for five minutes — or longer, if you can manage it. Make eye contact and lean toward him, even if you’re not absorbing every word.
After five minutes of listening, summarise what you’ve heard. You might say, “Wow, it sounds like you had a really hectic day. The lousy commute, the awful meeting. At least you got to stop at the gym on the way home.”
After the exchange, do something you want to do. Say, “Now that you’re home, would you mind watching Robbie while I go for a run?”
Your partner will probably be shocked, and pleased, that you have listened to him for a full five minutes.
The main symptoms of ADHD — impulsiveness and the need for constant stimulation — can enhance, as well as threaten, relationships. Because adults with ADHD are impatient and easily bored, adventurous sexual activities are highly stimulating. Attraction to the new and different may make it difficult to stay monogamous. That’s why it is vital to be committed to the idea of “relationship” — even more so than your partner.
I met a 93-year-old woman who had been married to the same man for more than 70 years. She told me that they had good times and bad times in their years together, and that she had never once considered divorce, though she joked that she had considered murder once or twice. She knew that she had to be more committed to the institution of marriage than to her husband to make the relationship work. There were times when the couple didn’t feel committed to each other, but their dedication to their marriage got them through.
Learn to laugh at yourself (not at your partner) and to take your problems a little more lightheartedly. ADHD causes us to do and say some pretty unusual things sometimes.
Rather than be wounded or angered by unintended words and actions, see them for what they are: the symptoms of a condition you’re trying to manage. A good laugh allows you to move forward in the relationship. I know how difficult this can be. It is easy to be defensive because we have had to explain our behaviour for years — when we acted impulsively or glossed over details due to lack of focus. Drop the defensiveness, then let go and move forward.
It is tempting to point the finger at the other person and blame her for the problems in the relationship. But it takes two to tango. When we admit to the problems we may be causing, instead of dwelling on what our partner does wrong, we grow spiritually. When I acknowledge my own shortcomings — identify them, work on changing them, and forgive myself for not being perfect — it is easier to accept my partner and to forgive her shortcomings.
A phrase that sums up this forgive-and-forget concept is: “I did the best I could do in that moment. If I could have done better, I would have.” This takes the sting out of a bad experience, and enables you and your spouse to talk with each other civilly. It is no longer about one of you “doing it again,” it is about being human and making mistakes — something that is possible to forgive.
Most married couples with one or more partners diagnosed with ADHD plan to be married “till death do us part.” But as the realities of living together set in, little problems go unresolved and become bigger problems that seem insurmountable.
One of the common mistakes that troubled couples make is to wait too long before seeking professional help for their relationship. By the time they get to the therapist’s office, they’ve already thrown in the towel, and are only looking for a way to validate their misery and justify their decision to divorce. Don’t wait too long to get help. A licensed marriage and family therapist can teach communication and conflict resolution skills.
From ADDitudeMag.com
July 2019
From ADDitudeMag.com
July 2019
ADHD is most often talked about in the context of problems it can cause – related to distractibility, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. But new research is showing that the ADHD brain can be particularly effective at three types of cognition that form the basis of creative thinking: divergent thinking, conceptual expansion and overcoming knowledge constraints.
Holly White, a research scientist in the Psychology Department at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, describes how these three cognitive capabilities can make ADHD an asset in fields where innovation and creativity are paramount.
Divergent thinking – This capability allows the individual to think of many ideas from a single starting point. An example of this type of thinking might be finding new uses or features for an existing device.
Conceptual expansion – This capability allows us to loosen the boundaries of concepts. One example White highlights is the invention of the sewing needle. The basic design (eye on the blunt end for threading) is ancient in origin. In the early 1800s, inventor Balthasar Krems flipped that design upside-down to create the world’s first eye-pointed needle—which the sewing machine possible.
Overcoming knowledge constraints – We are often unconsciously bound by knowledge or concepts we are already familiar with. Breaking free of this constraint of prior knowledge can be very difficult. Many of the great discoveries in modern science – e.g., the heliocentric planetary model, general relativity and quantum theory – were the result of overcoming the constraints of existing knowledge and concepts.
Several research studies have confirmed that individuals with ADHD consistently outperform non-ADHD individuals in using these types of cognitive capabilities.
The research of White and other shows that while ADHD may create difficulties in many situations that require focused, sustained attention, it can provide an edge when it comes to creative, original thinking. In a world where innovation and creativity are more highly prized, the ADHD mind can be a valuable asset.
For the full article from Edge Foundation, at this link http://bit.ly/2JOrSEq
Part of the reason ADHD is often missed is that people expect the symptoms to be loud and in-your-face. The stereotypical ADHDer is a little boy who’s running all over the place. An actual ADHDer, of course, can be any age or gender and have any temperament.
Why do people think that someone with ADHD will have symptoms that are overtly disruptive and impossible to ignore? The “H” part of ADHD definitely plays a role. If someone has ADHD, they have hyperactivity, and if they have hyperactivity it’ll be obvious, right?
To begin, it’s entirely possible to have ADHD without hyperactivity. This is the “inattentive” subtype of ADHD, and it involves deficits in areas like attention, motivation and organization.
But what I want to talk about today is that even if someone does have the H in ADHD, they aren’t necessarily going to be climbing up walls. It can still require being observant to know what’s going on.
For starters, not everyone with the hyperactive side of ADHD is loud and talkative. While talking non-stop is part of ADHD for some people, there are many other ways hyperactivity can express itself. Someone who’s an introvert can have an aversion to sitting still, fidget a lot, think better when they’re moving, and be impatient.
Then there’s the fact that comorbid conditions come into play. If an ADHDer has another condition like anxiety or depression, which is common, that can make hyperactive symptoms harder to spot. On the other hand, conditions like anxiety or bipolar disorder can also exacerbate hyperactive symptoms, so a mental health professional might initially attribute hyperactivity to those other disorders before realising that ADHD is a factor.
It’s worth recognising that hyperactivity isn’t just about excessive activity, and the terminology used in the DSM’s diagnostic guidelines has evolved to reflect that fact. In particular, “hyperactive” symptoms are now known as “hyperactive-impulsive” symptoms. As an example of what this means, consider that interrupting people or answering questions before someone is done asking them has more to do with an inability to inhibit impulses rather than excessive activity.
To be sure, there are ADHDers who you can tell clearly have hyperactive symptoms within seconds of meeting them. But in many cases, you have to know what to look for to know if someone has the H. It’s certainly not a given that hyperactive symptoms are obvious enough to necessarily be identified in childhood and then diagnosed.
From Neil Petersen from PsychCentral.com
July 2019
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